No matter what your relationship with your ex (assuming you're still at least a little angry), we've got a holiday card for you:
* We should live every day like it is a holiday, being thankful and spending time with family, and looking hopefully to the future. But we can't do that anymore, can we? No, we can't, because you cheated on me with your "friend" Michael from college.
* May the warmth and peace of the holiday season be yours today and always, and also please stop calling me when you're drunk.
* Seasons Greetings! - p.s. I'm taking you back to court because you continue to come up short on the child support. Seriously, you can write me a check for $587 but not the full $600. What the fuck, Edward?
* We wish you health, comfort, and prosperity this holiday season. And by "we" I mean "I," as there is no longer a "we," which explains why this card only has a picture of our dog.
* Thomas Kinkade may be the Painter of Light, but you're the Bringer of Misery. Seasons Greetings!
* The love and peaceful quiet of a winter night...The snow falling, the fire gently crackling, and the blissful absence of your unbearable, constant nose-whistling.
* Wishing you all the best in 2010. And your new girlfriend all the patience to tolerate your numerous annoying habits.
* May your home be filled with the joy of family and friends this holiday season. But not my family, and not my friends, and not your "friend" Michael from college either.
* During this holiday season, I'm so happy to have you in my life. In a non-sexual way.
Bonus cut! I found this poem on the Internet - I think it's actually real (great poet name too!):
Christmas Fun
The tempting gifts are tantalizing;
About opening them, we are fantasizing.
The holiday foods are appetizing;
Our excitement and joy are growing and rising;
Our hearts and minds are harmonizing;
Jolly Christmas fun we're maximizing!
By Joanna Fuchs
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