We always talk about why it’s good to be male on Guyism, but I thought I’d talk a little bit about why I think women have a much easier time than men do these days. Sure, men have some qualities that are great that we wouldn’t trade for anything, but these days I think that women have it over guys in most departments. I understand that they have their time of the month and some other things that make some areas of life difficult, but women have it pretty good at this point in history. And in these areas below they definitely have the advantage over the male population.

I don’t want to make it sound like a privilege but for as much as I would hate to carry a bag around with me all damn day long, it certainly comes in handy more times than not. Men have a finite number of options when it comes to carrying all their crap around, and when you have to carry phones, smokes, small dogs, smaller children, cans of beer and hand guns–you become aware it’s not always feasible to put everything you need in your pockets. That’s why purses are awesome. With purses getting larger every year, ladies can carry anything they want with them at all times. And you know when it comes down to it — they don’t need to carry it. That’s your job, boyfriend.


Men wear underwear for utilitarian purposes. It keeps our, uh, things in order. We may look good in them, but chances are that to do so we have to be somewhat physically fit. Women on the other hand (for the most part) can look sexy in almost any underwear. They even have an entire store in the mall dedicated to sexy underwear. They push-up, pull-back, hide and have countless other ways they help women enhance their assets. There is even underwear specifically to make men do stupid things for them. Men have died for women in lingerie! All women can look sexier with a single trip to Victoria’s Secret; a blessing and a curse depending on the situation you’re in.


I’ve only had a few occasions in my life where a woman has purchased me drinks at a bar. Men usually end up with bar tabs that are double what they’d usually spend just because they feel they have to buy a woman a drink in order to talk to her. That can get fairly expensive depending on where you drink and it may just end up being money thrown away if you don’t end up getting along. It’s like gambling, except instead of risking money you’re risking fancy martinis on a much different kind of jackpot. I know women that went through their entire time in college without ever paying for a drink. Can you imagine how much money you’d save if you didn’t ever have to buy drinks?


Look, makeup can drastically change the appearance of a woman — it makes unattractive women look good and good looking women look phenomenal. The stuff can completely change how a woman looks in a matter of minutes. It’s a mask of beauty and deceit that can rally screw with how men treat and view them. I mean, you wouldn’t go to a museum to see a bunch of white canvases hanging on the wall; somebody has to take brush to fabric in order to make people want to take a second look. Does that sound unbelievably crass on my end? Considering that makeup is basically a facade that women use to trick men to seem more attractive, I’d say we’re even.


Men will do anything to stop a woman from crying. “I’m sure Mittens is in a better place now.” “Don’t worry, I’ll rent a truck and help you move.” “He didn’t deserve someone as beautiful as you.” “OK, I’m not going to give you a ticket but you need to SLOW DOWN when you enter a school zone.” “What!?! Alright–calm down. I’ll get my shovel and some bed sheets–just don’t leave your house, I’ll be there in 15.” When the waterworks turn on…the argument is over. It’s the trump card in a deck of craziness.


I don’t men this in a demeaning way — but if worse came to worse, most women could walk into a strip club today and get a job. If things suddenly went bad and you absolutely needed cash today, a woman could be on a pole making cash money (probably a lot of it) by the end of the night. If a man wanted to be a stripper, he’d have to buy a Bow-Flex, spend 10-weeks working out, and then buy some break-away pants. He’d be a grand down before he even hit the club. Not to mention how expensive it is to rent a fireman uniform (hint: buy it fellas). It’s not something that will probably ever happen to most women, but when worse comes to worse, women always have this option.


The only thing that could hinder a woman’s hair is her imagination. Up or down, long or short, blonde or brown — women can do whatever they want with their hair and it usually looks good. “Oh, I’m blonde now, Do you like it?” Come on, we’ve all seen that show before. Women change their hair and it makes them 10-times hotter, while men get older and end up losing their hair. Face it, women have it all over men in the hair department unless it comes to being ready to go within five minutes of waking up. And they make scrunchies for that very reason.


When most men wear silk it looks like they’re a background actor on the Sopranos or a member of the Buena Vista Social Club. Silk has a certain stigma when it comes to male fashion. I know that a lot of people will say that you should be able to wear whatever you want, but they really don’t make a lot of classy looking clothes for men in silk. The fabric makes most men look like they are getting ready to captain a boat or are on their way to a Jimmy Buffett concert. And it sucks because it’s so damn comfortable to wear. Women have skirts, underwear and just about everything one could imagine made of silk. it looks good, feels good, and makes every woman that wears it look just a little more sexy. OK, a lot more sexy…


No matter where a woman is, what a woman looks like, or her social standing, there is a man that would sleep with her right this second if she asked. It’s the only real constant in the world. Always will be. And that’s why women will continue to run the world until the end of days.